Decisions, they can destroy you or they can make life better. However they effect your life, decisions are always going to be apart of it. Here I am finding myself having to make a decision.

Usually, things in my life have either fell on my lap or I have sought them out and hoped for the best. Things never really intermingled and that has been for the best. Now life has decided to throw a curve ball at me. This curve ball is fine, but I am the worst decision maker in the universe. The curve ball now has me choosing between work and college, this is something that I highly dislike.

Both are opportunities to succeed. Both are learning opportunities. The only difference is one, I am getting paid for it and the other, I am paying for it. I find myself in limbo of overwhelming different possibilities that each opportunity provides. Getting if off my chest seemed like the best option, but now that I am here, I find myself too stuck inside my own head to have anything much to say. I have stated in other posts that the future terrifies me and this sits upon those fears. I don’t want to have any regrets, therefore, I sit stuck.

No one can make this decision for me and I need to pick what is best for me. Yet, what if I don’t know the answer to that? How is anyone suppose to know what they want at a young age? I am whole heatedly searching for this answer with extreme anxiety. So to start small, I simply need to list the pros and cons.

Attending school at the physical location would give me a push and more credit hours both towards my bachelors and my associates.  I am roughly 11 credits away from obtaining my associates at my local college. I have until 2020 to go for my bachelors (if I take one class at a time) and will continue that course no matter what since it is online. The question lies in obtaining my associates or letting it go while I am so close to actually getting it. At this point, I feel that I am hurting many obsessive compulsive individuals (myself included) if I don’t just complete my associates. However, receiving a new position at my work could prevent me from doing this.

This new position is not guaranteed to me, however. I know I should probably still interview for it and simply go from there. The positive outcomes of this is I would receive a raise, hours, and an upper position. Currently, I am part-time and making decent money, but like everyone else I could always use more to help with life. The question lies in what is more beneficial in the long run? Again, both have their advantages and disadvantages.

Attending school physically would cut into my hours at work. However, being part-time as I am right now, this really wouldn’t mean much. Moving to another position would effect that as I wouldn’t have the time to attend class physically while attending online. If things stayed how they are I would be part-time at work, part-time at physical university, and part-time online (at my own pace). It seems like a large work load, but it would be manageable.

While I am brainstorming all of my options, I still do not have a solid answer. I probably will not have a solid answer until after an interview for the potential position. I am just an over-thinking, anxiety-ridden human being that panics first and reacts after. For better or for worse, I will have a final decision at some point in time. Today is just not that day.

I realize this is going to be an extremely boring read for my readers (however many of you there may be), but I just needed to get this off my chest. Nothing is for certain, but I am truly at a loss of what to do here. I think over-thinking it isn’t helping, but maybe I can stop doing that now that I have typed most of it all out. I use this blog to vent most of the time, but there will be better posts in the future. I have been busy figuring out this week, so I guess look forward to more actual posts!

Thanks for reading and I hope that everyone is having a great December so far! I leave you with Kristen’s message of the day: Be a better decision maker than me. (;

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