Ramblings

An everlasting story: Anxiety

Oh, you thought we were done discussing anxiety? Definitely not! I will stop writing about it when it goes away for me personally, so… Never? I apologize as one does when you suffer from anxiety for again, talking about anxiety. However, I simply think it is something I need to get off my chest… Or my brain, regardless, I need to let it run from my fingertips.

I’ve been overthinking.

Although, not all moments of overthinking are bad moments. Sometimes these moments bring us clarity into a situation or in my case, a mental crisis. I’ve been thinking about how I can truly wrap my head around my own mental health. I think I’ve been around the ringer when I say I have been trying and doing everything I possible can do to relieve my mental stress. Like I have said before, I have been trying new hobbies: painting, taking more time for my animals, cleaning, writing more, and actually talking about my feelings. At the end of the day though, I lie there in bed and it all comes back.

I’m alone again with my thoughts. 

So what else can I possibly do to get this under wraps? I’ve thought – again – about it and the only thing I have not really done is discover what truly makes my anxiety tick. There has to be triggers that I am aware of, but then never actually discuss. I have always thought I practiced this concept of awareness, but giving it more thought, I realized I don’t really take the time to figure it out. I just sit in hopes that the feeling of the endless black hole inside my chest and stomach simply goes away. So I guess all there is left to do is go down this rabbit-hole of self-discovery.

Thus, the question is… What causes you anxiety?

Well, the question was relatively easy. If you are like me, then you know that the word “anxiety” truly doesn’t even start to desribe what you feel. I suffer from anxiety in the form of panic attacks. I have a panic disorder, if you will. I can quickly jump from having a perfect day to some random occurence that sets off my anxiety. From my own personaly experience, when anxiety hits I start to lose the ability of having focused thoughts. That sets off panic as I am understanding that I am losing control. The lack of control sets off more panic and my body reacts in the form of tremors. I usually have collected myself by this point, but we are discussing anxiety in it’s truest form. So for discussion sake – if I was not successful in getting it under control, I probably would start to panic-cry.

If you are like me, then you cry when you get angry. I usually have a hard time crying at sad things like movies or shows. Crying usually occurs when I am livid and again, simply have no control over a situation. So, I guess I cry out of frustration rather than being angry. I know this is a pretty normal response to getting frustrated for many people so I have no qualms about that aspect.

At the risk of being called crazy, I am going to stop describing my own panic attacks and focus on what triggers them. We all have triggers that cause anxiety even in her mildest forms. That could be anything from going to the store by ones-self, having a fight with a significant other, having to meet new people, or talking in front of a group of people. These are all pretty normal things to experience anxiety about. However, in my case, I’m looking to find what triggers my panic attacks because that is something I would love to avoid. Understanding your ailment and doing something about it, in my mind, is better than sitting around waiting for it to consume you.

So what are my panic attacks underlying causes?

Overthinking

Too many emotional stimulates at one time…

Trying too hard to be perfect for everyone else…

Caring too much…

Getting burnout from over working myself…

Feeling alone

Trying to heal the people around me, but not taking time for myself.

Writing ideas that cause me panic attacks are so much easier than dealing with them in the time that they occur. Many of you know that when an anxiety attack hits, you are truly in that moment. There is not much you can do except ride it out until you can return into a calm state of mind. However, I do think that if I can understand what is the underlying cause of my panic, then I can eventually realize and deal with my feelings before it overtakes me. This is just an idea that I am hopefully going to fully practice as a ideaology in my life. I do understand that understanding a concept that needs to be done is easier than actually putting that concept into practice. I will try my best.

If you’re reading this, I am assuming you have struggled with feelings of anxiety yourself whether that be on a large scale or you simply have dealt with feeling overwhelmed. I hope that maybe these thoughts of mine can help you identifiy with your own anxieties or simply feel less alone.

Because you never have to deal with your demons alone. 🖤

One thought on “An everlasting story: Anxiety

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